Room mate
by Tethan
Summary: Karkat got a piercing and Gamzee a place to live. KurGam. -Not entirely makaracest, seeing as in my story they're not related.. Might become M later on.
1. And so it begins

Absolutely beautiful. If you asked Kurloz what his thoughts were on the customer that just walked in, that is exactly what he'd sign. A pale skinned, tall and slender boy, with dark, curly and tangled hair much like his own. His eyes were like daggers of purple fire. He was accompanied by a short boy, dark hair and a mouth that almost seemed to literally spew filth. Insult after insult. It was, in a way, rather enjoyable. Kurloz was ripped out of his thoughts by the fact that the two were coming closer. So they were here to get pierced, hm? He silently hoped for the taller of the two to want to get pierced. He just wanted to put his hands on him.

''Sup motherfucker?'' he greeted.

''_Which one of you shall I be piercing?'' _ Kurloz signed. He received two confused looks. Great, they didn't know sign language. He mouthed it instead. This they did get.

Karkat sat down while Kurloz got his materials ready and sneaked a glance at the taller of the two. When he locked the small boy's lip and brought the needle down he flinched. ''FUCK. KARKAT. YOU CAN DO THIS.'' Kurloz rolled his eyes, and pointed to the sign behind his back that he had personally made and hung up.

**'NO BITCHING'**. He received a glare that did little to him. Kurloz sighed, and mouthed Karkat to sit on his hands, and lock his feet. He looked like a shock-hitter, and Kurloz was in no mood to receive one to the face or anywhere for that matter. Karkat obeyed, and Kurloz pierced him. ''MOTHERFUCK.'' He yelled as soon as Kurloz was done. He showed Karkat a full-body mirror, in which he could check the piercing.

The taller walked up behind the kid he'd just pierced, and wrapped his hands around his waist. ''Looks motherfucking legit.'' He grinned. Kurloz nearly wanted to rip him off. What was he doing anyway? He was motherfucking twenty two already; he's too old for this high school crush shit. ''YES, I KNOW. I LOOK FUCKING GORGEOUS, OR WAIT; MOTHERFUCKING MIRACULOUS. NOW GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME SO I CAN MOVE.'' Kurloz chuckled. He suddenly liked the boy a bit more. Gamzee raised his hands in an unarmed way.

He walked them back to the front of the shop, and took Karkat's money while Gamzee was looking through the ads that were hung on the pin board. ''Still looking for a place?'' Karkat asked him. ''Yeah, haven't found any that looked legit since that sea goat of a dad kicked me out.'' This caught Kurloz' ear and he walked over to Gamzee. He pointed to his own ad. His roommate had just left their apartment, and he kind of missed having someone around to fuck his shit up. You get used to it.

''This? Is it yours?'' He asked. Kurloz nodded. ''I'll give you a motherfucking call then.'' He smiled as he ripped one of the numbers off.

For the love of messiahs, ring you peace of overpriced shit. It had been a thought that went like a crazy train in Kurloz' mind ever since the kid said he would call. And now that the call finally did come in, what the fuck was he going to do? He didn't talk, so calling would be of no use. Why didn't he think this through? He hung up and texted instead.

_'I WASN'T EXACTLY THINKING WHEN I SAID THAT THEY SHOULD CALL.'_

'YeAh, It SeEmEd PrEtTy MoThErFuCkInG WeIrD, bUt WhAt'S a GuY tO dO?'

_'I'M TAKING A WILD GUESS AND SAY YOU WERE CALLING ABOUT THE APARTMENT? YOU COULD COME AND CHECK IT WEDNESDAY, THAT'S MY DAY OFF. #:O)'_

'ArE yOu A mOtHeRfUcKiNg MiNd ReAdEr? I'Ll Be ThErE aT tHrEe Pm.'

'#:O)'

The smile his lips had formed didn't seem to falter any time soon.

''This hive looks motherfucking nice. It's got the proper size and rooms and everything.''

Kurloz had picked up a notebook and a pen for communication purposes.

_'SINCE WHEN IS THAT MOTHERFUCKING SPECIAL? WHAT KIND OF SHIT PLACES HAVE YOU BEEN LOOKING AT?'_

''Motherfucking dumps, bro. One of them even had 10-something animals walking around and wasn't even big enough to host two people. Even the motherfucking animals must've felt cramped. And I'm not even going into motherfucking detail about the figurative and literal shit that was lying around.''

Gamzee made a disgusted face just thinking of it, and Kurloz chuckled.

_'SO YOU DISLIKE ANIMALS?'_ It didn't really matter since Kurloz had no animals, but he just wanted to know everything there was to know about Gamzee.

''The animals I could motherfucking live with, the fucking mess I could clean up, but the sis that was trying to sell me it… I think she honestly wanted to screw me right on that dirty floor with the animals watching. And I can't sleep right when I know there's a motherfucker just a door away wanting to up and rape me.''

Well fuck. Then Kurloz better not mention he has a slight intention to do exactly that.

_'IT'S HARD TRYING TO VENT OFF RAPISTS, AND NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. #:O)'_

''Like I said yesterday; motherfucking mind reader.''

There was a silence while Kurloz showed Gamzee the rooms. Every now and then he would scribble something down, and Gamzee would nod.

''So what about you? You have some motherfucking vocal cords or not?'' Gamzee asked. Kurloz was already surprised by how long he lasted without asking it. He was nearly convinced Gamzee wouldn't ask at all. He hesitated for a second, and then scribbled on his note pad again.

_'THAT'S PERSONAL.'_

Gamzee gave him a weird look for a second. ''I understand, bro. I ain't one to up and pry in your business, but I thought I might as well ask.'' He smiled.

Kurloz was both relieved and sad when Gamzee let it go so quickly.

''At least you won't talk my motherfucking ears off. My best friend has an elder bro, who up and offered me his place. Place looked motherfucking legit, but he just wouldn't stop talking. Motherfucking insufferable.'' It sounded somewhat familiar to Kurloz, and he couldn't help but ask.

_'WAS THIS PERSON BY ANY CHANCE NAMED KANKRI?'_

Gamzee looked up with a big grin. ''You know the motherfucker?''

_'YES. ALTHOUGH WE CALL HIM KRANKI MOST OF THE TIME.'_

The laugh that escaped Gamzee's lips was one of the most beautiful and contagious ones he'd ever heard. Kurloz had always liked honks, and Gamzee's laugh sounded somewhat like it.

While they went over the details Gamzee's phone rang. He excused himself, and even from the small backyard he could still hear the voice on the other end.

''ARE YOU _FUCKING_ KIDDING ME? ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GOING TO MOVE IN WITH A POSSIBLE CRIMINAL? … WELL THEN, ENJOY YOUR FORCED DEEPTROATH PARTIES. … I WILL PISS ON YOUR GRAVE YOU NAÏVE FUCKER, SO HELP ME.''

It was rather silent after that, and soon enough Gamzee walked back in. You wondered how he could bare having the phone so close to his ear with that motherfucker screaming in it, but you know from experience with Mituna, when he's trying to whisper something to you, that you get used to it.

_'SOUNDED LIKE A FUN CONVERSATION. #:O)'_ he wrote down.

''Ah man, you heard?''

_'IT WAS RATHER HARD TO MISS.'_

''Yeah. That was my main motherfucker. It's his way of caring.'' Gamzee smiled.

Just imagine what those lips could do next to smiling and letting beautiful sounds escape. Kurloz decided he should get his act together, and restarted the topic they were discussing earlier.

It seemed he had found a new roommate.

For the love of the messiahs, was it even humanly possible to be that loud?! Kurloz groaned and picked up another box. Gamzee had asked some of his friends to help him move in, and these motherfuckers seemed to have come straight from a mental institution. Of course Kurloz wasn't one to talk, seeing as he hung out with motherfuckers equally crazy.

''WHAT THE FUCK GAMZEE? YOU LITERALLY HAVE FIVE FUCKING BOXES SIMPLY FOR YOUR HORNS?''

He remembered that kid; he's the one who got pierced.

''Stop your whining KK. Try actually helping.''

''Nepata jumps the box and opens it! Inside she finds purrlicious looking bottles of unknown substance, she opens one.''

''Could you all stop throwing Gam's things around and just get them inside, I have other stuff to do today y'know.''

''Says the person who hasn't even touched a single box.''

''Are you suggesting I should dirty my hands on who knows what Gam has collected these past years?''

''OH MY COD ERIDAN, JUST HELP OUT YOU USELESS NOOKSNIFFER.''

''Uh, Gamzee? I… can't get in.''

''No worries Tavbro, I got this.''

A very colourful bunch to say the least. Most of his belongings have been shattered around, and for a job that shouldn't even require half an hour, they were at it for two hours. There weren't even that many boxes. Kurloz picked some things off the ground and put them back in their box. In a way, it had been highly entertaining.

''Uh, guys? I can't get out now.''

Kurloz got himself on his feet, and was just about to help when Gamzee showed up behind Tavros. He easily picked the wheelchair up and lifted it over the small steps. He put Tavros down and trailed his hand through his mohawk. The smaller blushed.

Well, that certainly wasn't what he wanted to see. Who even asks a disabled person to help with moving, they can't do that much. The motherfucker nearly falls out of his chair when he's trying to pick up a box! Kurloz mentally slapped himself. Tavros has actually been of great help. Next to falling out of his chair every now and then, and needing help with getting in and out, he had actually cleared the most boxes out of all of them.

''I believe I broke something, my sincere apologies.''

''It's okay Equius, this is supposed to be in pieces! You can put it together again like this, see! It's fun!''

''Oh… yes, highly entertaining.''

''NEPATA, COULD YOU STOP PLAYING WITH GAMZEE'S STUFF? WE'LL BE HERE TILL DAWN IF YOU KEEP UNBOXING EVERYTHING.''

''It's all good, Karkat, she's just having a motherfucking blast.''

''Yeah KK, chill.''

''It's heavy, and I broke a nail. I don't want to do this anymore.''

''What smells fishy and useless?''

''What? I'm not useless! I bet I can lift more boxes than you!''

''It's on.''

Kurloz gave up. He went inside and put on the television.

''Well, I think that's it.'' He heard Gamzee say.

About time. It had taken them nearly the whole screen time of the movie he was watching to clear everything.

''Now who wants some motherfucking drinks and pie?''

Everyone passed up the pie, but gathering around the dinner table to drink something seemed good to them. Kurloz decided to wait it out. That was until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

''Care for some pie Kurbro? Motherfuckers all up and declined.''

Kurloz nodded and followed Gamzee into the kitchen. While Gamzee was cutting of a piece, everyone was silent except for Karkat who whispered something to him. Kurloz was amazed the boy could even be this quiet.

''Gamzee's a chill fucker and all, but he can't cook for shit. Last time he tried we all became stoned and had food poisoning at the same time.''

Kurloz simply stared at him. Was he being for real? It can't be that bad, right? He felt that declining now wouldn't be nice, so he ate his piece anyway. And he lived to regret it.


	2. Numero Dos

Do you get the title? Well, do ya?

If you didn't; **1.**The removal of impurities. (Kurloz throwing up.) **2.**It's chapter two. **3.**Kurloz's name sounds a lot like Carlos, which is a common spanish name.

* * *

Everyone was gone and the house was silent, except for the sounds Kurloz made. He was currently hanging over the toilet bowl with Gamzee standing behind him looking anywhere but the scenery. Yeah of course, cause a fucking mess and ignore it when the consequences come haunting your ass.

Kurloz didn't even have time to shoot Gamzee a glare, he was occupied to say the least.

''Look bro, I'm motherfucking sorry, I really thought I nailed the recipe this time. I had all the shit that was on the list, and then I added some Faygo, and some shit I found in the fridge that smelled nice, and-'' Kurloz grabbed Gamzee's ankle and gripped it, digging his nails into Gamzee's flesh. It was an effective way of shutting him up.

''I'll get you a glass of water.'' He whispered. At least he was doing something a bit more useful now. Seriously, how can someone even be this bad at cooking? Or well, he wasn't exactly bad at it. Even if he was puking his insides out, he felt extremely warm and light. He felt good. This must be the stoned part Karkat was talking about. Great.

By the time Gamzee came back Kurloz had already seated himself against the wall. With difficulty he stood up straight and downed the glass, nodding a thanks afterwards.

He walked straight to the dump drawer to get his notepad out.

_'DON'T EVER MOTHERFUCKING BAKE SOMETHING AGAIN.'_

''So no joined cooking schedule?''

Kurloz groaned. Now he had to make dinner for himself every night too. It wasn't like he was lazy, but when Mituna still lived here he always insisted on cooking dinner since Kurloz worked until 10 PM. And even for someone with mental issues, he still made enjoyable meals. He considered giving Gamzee a cooking book, with on every page a note that said **'DO NOT ADD** **ANYTHING'**.

That might work. He placed a hand on Gamzee's head. It might also be hopeless.

''You smell awful, Kurbro.''

Finally he could shoot Gamzee that glare he had wanted to give him earlier.

_'WHO'S FAULT DO YOU THINK IT IS?!'_

''Yeah yeah, let's just make you a motherfucking bath.''

Gamzee walked to the bathroom, and he could already hear the water running.

''You coming or what?''

When he arrived, Gamzee stood before the partly filled bathtub without a shirt. He received a weird look from Kurloz.

''I didn't want my shirt getting all up and wet.''

Kurloz didn't mind in the least. While Gamzee was working on the heath of the water, Kurloz got a good look of his upper body. Instead of simply appreciating the form and the colour of the flesh, he looked at the bone structure. How his collar bones were sticking out, a part of his hip bones were in sight, his spine which was slightly noticeable when he stood straight, and even more noticeable when he curled his back to check the water's temperature. Kurloz always had liked the human body's bone structure, and Gamzee was a more than fine example. Subconsciously he trailed a hand over Gamzee's back.

''Your hands are motherfucking cold.''

Kurloz was ripped out of his thoughts, and simply stared at Gamzee. He probably shouldn't have done that.

''It felt kinda nice though.''

Gamzee smiled, and Kurloz returned it, mouthing a 'sorry'.

When the bath tub was full and Gamzee was content with the temperature, he left. It had been a nice half hour of soaking and thinking for Kurloz.

It would've been longer if a thought hadn't occurred to Kurloz. How was it motherfucking possible that Gamzee didn't get sick. He ate the left over pie.

He shot up, got out of the bath, scribbled something down, and with only a towel hanging from his hips he stormed to the couch Gamzee was currently hogging.

_'WHY AREN'T YOU PUKING YOUR INSIDES OUT?'_

He received a confused look from Gamzee. ''Why would I be up and doing that?''

_'I KNOW YOU MOTHERFUCKING ATE THE LEFT OVER PIE. WHY AREN'T YOU DEAD BY NOW?'_

''That ain't a nice things to say, it wasn't that bad. I was actually motherfucking stunned that you got sick, I've been baking shit for myself nearly all my motherfucking life now and never got sick.''

Oh yeah. Do something long enough and you'll eventually get used to it. Kurloz rolled his eyes, and seated himself next to Gamzee.

''But Kurbro, seriously, dry your motherfucking ass. You're all up and making me wet.''

Kurloz grinned. He shouldn't, but he did.

_'I THOUGHT ONLY WOMEN COULD GET THAT, BUT I GUESS MY CHARM WORKS WELL ENOUGH ON MEN TOO. #;O)'_

Gamzee's mouth formed a returned grin which Kurloz paid special attention too. Not only because it was a motherfucking miracle on itself how perfect he looked when he did that, but also because he once heard that if you pay close attention to someone's mouth they subconsciously want to sleep with you. It was worth a shot, wasn't it?

''Oh yes, my dick's all up and motherfucking moist now, ruining my man panties.'' Gamzee laughed.

Well fuck, what could've been a moment was now ruined. Kurloz stood up and signed that he was going to dry himself off.

''Just so you know, if you count precum then a man can up and get wet like a horny bitch. Shit's nature's lube.''

Kurloz flipped him off without looking back, and Gamzee just laughed his ass off.

* * *

Welp, that felt like a good way to end the chapter.

Hi there c:

I just wanted to note something… You see, while reading fanfictions I always notice that artists say that comments motivate them. To every who says that; Fuck you for getting my hopes up that it might motivate me. It scares the fucking shit outta me, even if I love them at the same time xD

Seriously, posting my address and that you're going to kill me looks motherfucking weak compared to a comment that says 'please continue!'. feels like you're all up and expecting things from me. xD

But at the same time they do make me feel giggly, and I love them. Just wanted to note that out to new writers who, like me, have never posted anything online before; your first comment is gonna scare the shit outta you. C:

Anyway, thank you for reading it, I hope you just had a great day or dream or whatever, and this made it better. In other words; sorry if it sucked. c:


	3. Because calling Kankri is a bad idea

Shit. You messed up again. You throw the tattoo design away and sigh. You had finally been given the opportunity to set tattoos and you fuck up. And why oh why do you fuck it up each and every time? Well, you had 23 pages of messed up tattoo designs that slammed the awful truth in your face. Gamzee. That's the reason you fuck up at each try. Every fucking design has his motherfucking first initial on it if not worse. Your co-worker had actually asked you what was up with you and the letter G. You drew a dragon, it was in the form of a G. You drew a dia de los muertos tattoo, which was literally Gamzee's face with the commonly used face paint instead of his messy juggalo paint. And the design you just threw away? It was the most obvious out of all of them. It was a simple name, written in a skull like font. It spelled out 'GAMZEE'.

And why has he been bothering you so much that you can't even completely focus on work? Because of what that motherfucker did yesterday.

'_Kurloz was watching an old movie, sitting on the edge of the couch because Gamzee's ass was hogging the thing. He laid out on his stomach, with his legs on Kurloz' lap. He wasn't really doing anything, just drawing circles in the air with his index finger. Suddenly he stood up, already facing the kitchen. Of course he was going to get a bottle of Faygo. There should be a support group for that. As revenge for hogging the couch for this long, Kurloz now fully laid down. Gamzee came back and stood still before the couch. Kurloz looked back and gave him a smirk. Unexpectedly, Gamzee returned it. He gently placed a finger or Kurloz' ankle. At first Kurloz had thought that Gamzee would violently rip him from his comfortable state, but he didn't. He let his hand trail along Kurloz' body until he reached his head. He ruffled the messy black locks, lifted Kurloz up and sat down, placing the other on his lap. Kurloz waited out the whole movie before standing up and sneaking off to his room. He really couldn't take it anymore, throughout the whole movie Gamzee had played with his hair. Instead of drawing circles in the air, he drew circles in Kurloz' hair, making it even messier than it already was. It was going to be hell trying to comb it.'_

That was the most extreme case yet. What was he doing? Was he sending signs? Had he picked up your actual intentions and was he now messing with you? You can remember that the very first time you saw him, you had told yourself to stop acting like a motherfucking high school girl with a crush. You have just officially crashed and burned this metaphorical plane.

And only a week has passed. You were definitely not looking forward to next week.

''You're phone keeps ringing and it's goddamn annoying. Answer it.'' You looked up and saw one of your co-workers standing there, loosely holding your mobile. You must have left it at the front of the shop. You nodded a thanks and took the call.

''Mr Kurbro? Or at least that is the only name I've been informed of.''

You didn't reply. You don't speak, you literally 'sewed' your mouth shut. You already knew why this person was calling, though. There is only one person you know who calls you 'Kurbro'. Gamzee must be in some shit. It was probably some head teacher, or department leader from Gamzee's college. The voice just sounded like it, loud, trying to sound superior and convincing. Now all you have to know is why this person is calling. Colleges normally didn't bother much with their students, since all the students were legally adults, right?

''Mister?''

I don't speak, motherfucker. If only you'd allow yourself to say it. But you won't.

''I ALREADY FUCKING TOLD YOU THAT FUCKER PIERCED HIS CODDAMN MOUTH SHUT AND DOESN'T TALK.''

You recognized it as Karkat. Wait, wasn't this call for Gamzee?

''Motherfucker's all up a silent, it's not going to work this way.''

''In that case, if I even should believe these two, I just want you to come here as soon as possible.''

''HE'S NOT GOING TO GET HIS ASS OVER HERE JUST BECAUSE YOUR LOUSY DEMAND TELLS HIM TO DO SO, YOU DOU-''

He hung up. Should he even go? Gamzee wasn't even his kid or whatever. Nothing bound them except for being roommates, and that one dream Kurloz had were they were married and had kids. That was one fucked up dream. But, back to the point, he should probably go? Kurloz recalled something Gamzee said about his father throwing him out, and he didn't mention having any other family member. Maybe Kurloz was the only person he could call? Besides, he didn't have any appointments today anyway, and he could take a two-hour break seeing all the breaks he passed up on today. Yeah, he should go.

Kurloz informed his boss, and walked to his car. It better be important, though.

* * *

And there he was, staring straight into this old baldy's eyes. Why was he even here? Gamzee was eighteen already, old enough to legally handle his own fuck ups.

''Well, I see where Gamzee got his… ways from.''

At least he finally believed Karkat and Gamzee about the whole 'he doesn't talk' bit.

**'WE'RE NOT RELATED IN ANY WAY, AND I'M NOT HERE TO BE INSULTED. NOW LAY IT ON ME**.' Kurloz signed. At least this person knew sign language.

''You aren't?''

Kurloz shaked his head.

''You up and told me to give you the contact information of a motherfucker who looks after me. At the moment, it's this motherfucker.''

Kurloz glared at Gamzee. He was not happy to be here. Why did he go here for the punk anyway? To save his scrawny ass? Tch, what a joke. He hated people like this. The guy right in front of him telling Gamzee to 'watch his mouth', and himself. The poor sucker who never realises he's making a mistake until it's too late. Both were pathetic.

''Back to the main reason for having you here. Gamzee was selling drugs on school property. I will not report it to the police since it is the first time he's been caught doing so.''

An emphasis on 'caught'. Great going Gamzee. Still, Kurloz was interested in something completely unrelated.

**'THEN WHY IS THE VANTAS KID HERE?'**

''Well, Karkat was the person he was selling it to.''

''You make it sound like we were up and murdering someone. Shit ain't that serious, it's just some green. Besides, I wasn't selling. You don't motherfucking sell shit to a bro, you give it.''

**''DON'T EVEN FUCKING TRY STARTING THAT UP AGAIN GAMZEE. WE JUST CAME TO AN AGREEMENT THAT IT ALL FALLS UNDER SMUGGLING, AND IT TOOK US THREE DAMNED HOURS TO FUCKING DO SO, SO SHUT YOUR DRUGS FILLED PIE HOLE.''**

Kurloz took a paper and a pen of the desk in front of him, and turned around facing Karkat.

**'COULDN'T YOU HAVE CALLED KANKRI?'**

A look of pure horror displayed on Karkat's face. Of course he wouldn't have called Kankri, we are speaking of the motherfucker who gives you hours long of ranting for the smallest things. Just think of how long he would go on for something like this.

''But we do not take kindly to these actions, so of course a punishment is in place, and informing a care taker. We have already agreed on said punishment, and I believe we have handled this off the list too?''

**'ARE YOU MOTHERFUCKING KIDDING ME? I CAME HERE SO I COULD KNOW THE PERSON I SHARE A HOUSE WITH DOPES HIMSELF UP EVERY NOW AND THEN, LIKE IT WASN'T ALREADY READABLE FROM THOSE BLOOD SHOT EYES OF HIS?'**

You grunted and stood up, followed by two rule breakers who were currently silent as mice. Well, Karkat was, which really surprised you. He was probably worrying you'd tell Kankri, and mentally preparing himself for the shit he's going to get. But you ain't no snitch. It's not like you were going to tell him that, you're just going to let him feel bad as revenge. Gamzee, however, was blabbing away about something.

* * *

After dropping Karkat off you turned to Gamzee. You held up your hand and mouthed 'drugs'.

''I didn't know you were up and into this, man. Should've told me earlier, then I would have fixed you up.''

He dug around in his pocket, and revealed a bag to you. You snatched it and threw it out of the window.

Gamzee had his eyes fixed on the bag until it hit the ground, and then they snapped back up to yours.

''That ain't cool, bro.''

* * *

_Author's note; That's where I'm going to leave it. So remember, throwing a bro's drugs out ain't cool, kids. ...Sorry for taking so long. I almost wasn't going to use this, but because I am a lazy ass motherfucker I decided to use it anyway instead of writing a whole new chapter again. I promise I'll make up for it in the next chapter. Like, double the fucking words and make it interesting with a well thought out plot twist or something. Besides, we're nearing chapter 4, don't you think it's been long enough without some action? xD Or I might not, and just make Kurloz go insane... What to do, what to do. _

_The good thing is; I have an exam week this week. And I know most writers see that as a reason to take a pause, but not me. For me, exam week is better for writing. My brain is finally active again, and when I get bored with studying my brain just goes into fantasy land where it makes up awesome shit I can use for this story. c:_

_Welp anyway, here is chapter three. Hopefully you've enjoyed it, and it didn't suck as much as I believe it does. _


	4. Out-whoring Karma

_I just feel that I need to share this; I read the reviews, and the idiot that is me thought 'thi' was some sort of slang so I searched it. '2-Acetyl-4(5)-tetrahydroxybutyl imidazole' -No, seriously. Does anyone even know what this is? Is that something that actually exists? I'm too lazy to even Google Search this shit. Oh, and thank you Majj. C:_

* * *

He slammed your car door and then he slammed the front door in your face. Motherfucking brat. All this acting up for a simple baggie? Is he five or something. No, toddlers don't motherfucking touch that shit. Even if they're curious as fuck.

You didn't really have a problem with him smoking weed, but if he's going to get you involved he better quit his shit. You will have none of it.

You unlock the front door, and step in to find Gamzee staring you straight in the eyes. Jegus. Did he have to look like a lioness ready to devourer her pray? If only he had that look for another reason. It was strangely exciting, to say the least.

''Are you motherfucking insane? You do nót throw a motherfucker's weed out. That's crossing the motherfucking line.''

You raised an eyebrow. And involving me in your shit isn't? Fuck it, if he wants to argue, he can bring it on.

'_Crossing the line? Are you up and serious right now? Crossing the line would be-'_

''Don't give me your bitchass hand gestures, I can't read that shit, do you motherfucking copy? Talk to me, man to man. I motherfucking dare you. Use that voice I motherfucking know you have.''

He stepped closer, too closer. His eyes spitting flaming words at yours 'Use it'. No. Motherfucking. Way. Kurloz made his way to the kitchen, and got out his notepad. He needed to buy some new ones, he was running out. Couldn't the motherfucker just learn sign language?

'_I will not break my oath of silence for a worthless piece of shit like you. And another thing, man to man? More like father to son. Guess you did miss out on that, seeing your issues with your father, who couldn't motherfucking properly teach you not to do that shit. No, instead you get me to save your motherfucking ass, wasting my fucking time.'_

He felt pretty bad for that. Playing the father card was nasty, but it got to him.

''Yeah, maybe I do need a motherfucker to look after me. MAYBE I MOTHERFUCKING DO. Who the fuck cares. It's not like I'm motherfucking forcing you or anything. Besides, I wouldn't even want you as a motherfucking guardian or whatever. I mean, what the fuck is up with you anyway? You are so motherfucking over the place, you celebrate Mexican holidays, you pray to messiahs, which originates from Hebrews, and you pray to yet another thing you call 'angels of double death'! All of the motherfucking things you up and do are completely unrelated, and it makes no motherfucking sense. You motherfucking know what you are? DO YOU MOTHERFUCKING KNOW WHAT YOU ARE? You are a motherfucking mess.''

How did it go from a bag of weed to the things that bother him about you? It's motherfucking irrelevant. And… how did he know that? You've never told him that shit. He must've been in your room. Well, two could play that nasty ass game.

'_At least I know about the shit I motherfucking do, and chose it that way. You and your motherfucking drugs, however, it gets you fucked up. Makes you walk on motherfucking magic, doesn't it? So you can forget all about how fucking shitty you are. Your father disowned you, the only friends you have are just as mentally fucked up as you are. You smoked away a whole bunch of motherfucking brain cells so who knows if you're even going to graduate college, and this 'mess of a person' is the only one who can save your scrawny ass. You are motherfucking dysfunctional.'_

His handwriting was fast and sloppy. The notes were shoved into Gamzee's face. He can't even remember the last time he was this angry. Why was he even? It's just a bag of drugs, and it's just another hour he wasted on Gamzee's shit instead of doing little to nothing at the shop. And why was Gamzee this angry? Couldn't be over some weed. No motherfucking way.

''If you hate me so motherfucking much, why not throw me the fuck out? No, save the motherfucking effort you could spend on being a fuck up, I'll throw my own ass out.''

Was he seriously tearing up?

'_I dare you to move. I will motherfucking tie you to a chair.'_

He was still walking. You guess motherfuckers need to be taught the hard way.

''You actually up and tied me to a motherfucking chair?''

Kurloz nodded.

'_Now drop your shit, and tell me what the fuck is up?'_

Silence. Kurloz kicked Gamzee leg.

''Ouch! Fuck, what am I? A hostage?''

He nodded again.

Gamzee looked away. Nothing huh?

'_Fine. Stay here until you're ready to talk.'_

With that, Kurloz walked off to his room and put on his headphones. Stubborn motherfucker.

Kurloz got out his phone and messaged Mituna on his Pesterchum app. Mituna could cheer him up, he always does.

'**How do you raise a kid?'**

It took Mituna about 15 minutes to respond. He could already see his reaction; First the eyes studying the text, making it understandable, then a blush, and then a whole lot of freaking the fuck out. He chuckled.

'KURL0Z, 4R3 Y0U PR3GG14N7?!'

Something told him that 'preggiant' wasn't even a misspelling.

'**No, it's my room mate.'**

'Y0U 5H0ULD 74K3 R35P0N51B1L171.'

Wait, what?

Oh.

'**YES, BUT A BABY IS A BIG RESPONSIBILITY. HOW ARE WE GOING TO FEED IT? LET ALONE AGREE ON IT'S NAMING.'**

Mituna knew damn well that Kurloz didn't mean it like that, but there was no harm in playing along. Kurloz was already happy that a bit of his personality before the accident showed itself.

'1M G01NG 70 B3 4N UNCL3!'

'**WE MUST INFORM GAMZEE FIRST, MOTHERFUCKER'S GOT HIS PANTIES ALL UP IN A TWIST.'**

'WH475 WR0NG?'

'**KID'S SMOKING THE MOTHERFUCKING GREEN.'**

'7H475 D4NG3R0U5.'

'**LET HIM THROW AWAY HIS MOTHERFUCKING LIFE, HE MIGHT LEARN FROM IT.'**

'BU7… 7H3 B4BY.'

Kurloz chuckled. Yeah, it's bad for the baby too. He replied telling Mituna he was off to work, and packed his shit. He hadn't even noticed passing by Gamzee until he was at the front door and heard a shout from the other room.

''Are you seriously up and motherfucking leaving me here like this?''

He had a point, it'd be straight out cruel to do that. He walked back, got a bottle of Faygo and handed it too Gamzee.

'_Dosing yourself the motherfuck out is bad for the baby.'_

He got a strange look.

''What baby?''

'_Ours, of course. What other baby would I be talking about?'_

''…Kurloz, we don't up and motherfucking have a baby, are you okay?''

Kurloz grinned, showing Gamzee one last note before walking out the door.

'_Honk #:o)'_

* * *

That motherfucker must've lost his mind. You were absolutely positive you didn't have a baby. If there's one thing you remember from biology, it's that two men can't have a baby. Unless they pump up some chick, adopt a motherfucker, or one of them is a hermaphrodite. He was sure he didn't do and wasn't any of that. It was hard to tell, tho. He was dosed up most of the time. Gamzee sighed. He was voluntarily wrecking his own shit. Kurloz was right, and he just shot him down like a heartless motherfucker.

Shit. Why does everything sound so serious when it's not? It's not even Kurloz' business. Nothing is Kurloz' business. The only thing that motherfucker should get himself into is the rent. His friends, dad and thinkpan ain't any of his business.

Even if he was right. Even if his friends were straight from the list of fuck ups, even if his dad didn't want anything to do with him anymore, and even if he was failing a whole lot of classes. Gamzee sighed. Motherfucker. He should worry about getting out of this motherfucking chair instead of all this shit. Seriously, his ass was starting to ache.

Let's see… Duck tape, and a bottle of Faygo. His hands were tied behind his back, and his torso was taped to the chair. How the hell was he going to do this? He dropped the bottle of Faygo. It had no motherfucking use if he couldn't even get it open. Well, at least he could hop around the apartment, which was exactly what he did until Kurloz came home.

Gamzee glared at him.

''Fine, I up and get it. I'm a motherfucking failure, untie me.''

Kurloz raised his eyebrow.

'_You don't get it.'_

Now it was Gamzee's turn to raise his eyebrow. Wasn't that what all of this was about? His 'dysfunctionality' and Kurloz getting tired of it?

'_I wanted you to think about changing some of this shit, not doing a motherfucking soul-search.'_

''I am perfectly motherfucking happy with the way I am.''

Kurloz rolled his eyes.

'_If you say so, brat.'_

He walked to the kitchen and got a knife out of the drawer, using it to cut Gamzee out of the hold.

''Fina motherfucking ly. My ass is aching like a bitch. That chair is harder to sit on for hours than an erect dick.''

He heard Kurloz chuckle.

'_How would you know? Got something to tell me?'_

''Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that I make a living by taking it up the ass?'

Gamzee laughed. Well, it wasn't entirely sarcasm. He did take it up the ass, being bisexual and all, but not for a living. Although he'd be killer at that.

'_Out whoring everyone at the block, I'm sure.'_

''Yeah, those bitches ain't got anything on me. Caught more STD's over the years than they'll ever dream of.''

'_Being the cause of more divorces than cheating on itself.'_

''Of course, didn't you know that married men get a discount?''

'_Gotta find someone to marry then.'_

''Or you could just marry me and be done with it. I'll quit the whoring, raise the kids, up and do the motherfucking house work.''

Whilst Gamzee was laughing, Kurloz seemed a bit shocked. Were they taking this too far? Time for a topic change.

''Anyway, regardless of what I just up and told you. I did think of something useful while in my chair of soul-searching. Think you could up and tutor me some time?''

Kurloz just stared at him for a while, and then nodded.

'_Sure. #:o)'_

* * *

Kurloz and Gamzee were currently laying down on Gamzee's bed, books shattered everywhere, along with some Faygo bottles. Kurloz must admit it was pretty a pretty good drink.

''So basically, if you multiply it by the seconds of one wave you get W?'

'_Exactly.'_

''How did I not up and get this?''

Kurloz raised his shoulders. Really, this was too motherfucking easy.

''And what do I do with T?''

'_Absolutely nothing. It's motherfucking irrelevant to what it's asking.'_

''Motherfuckers.''

Kurloz made a sound to show he agreed.

'_Another class you're bad at?'_

''English. I know all the motherfucking things they teach me, but up and subconsciously add things.''

Kurloz hit the back of Gamzee's head, which earned him a glare in return.

'_Then you should check your motherfucking paper after you're done.'_

Gamzee took a sip from his Faygo. Really, it felt like he was tutoring his younger brother, which was slightly disturbing since he wanted to rip Gamzee's shirt off and do him right on the spot. Well, doing it on this spot wouldn't really be much of a problem, since it's the bed.

Instead he settles for unclipping Gamzee's bangs.

''Is my face really so motherfucking ugly you'd rather have it covered?''

Gamzee laughed.

'_No, looking all up and neat just doesn't suit you. It's weird.'_

That wasn't it at all. Kurloz just couldn't handle it as well as he should. He was near to having the strangest boner because of Gamzee's face. It was the first time he'd seen it without all the hair and make-up blocking his view.

''Too motherfucking bad, I need it clipped back if I want to be able to up and read this.''

'_Mh. Don't you have teachers to, well, teach you? Or couldn't you ask your friends?'_

''Teachers are a motherfucking drag, and I up and tried asking them. It just wasn't working out.''

'_What about Tavros? Out of the bunch I've met he seems the most capable.'_

Gamzee laughed, he actually motherfucking laughed at you like you were a moron for asking that.

''Nah, man. Tavbro's chill and all, but that motherfucker ain't good with questions. Believe me, I motherfucking know. Can't even ask him to choose between red or blue, he'll motherfucking consider the feelings of both.''

Kurloz nodded to show he was listening while Gamzee continued.

''I up and asked Karkat, and he started yelling at me for not understanding something so simple. Eridan refused, saying he had better things to do with his time, but if you ask me, he was just going to up and have a motherfucking HP marathon with cosplay and all. Equis ruined my textbook, I had to up and get a new one since the other had so much 'water' damage the ink was blurred. Nepata rolled a dice to get the answers, although we had a cool RP session, it got me no motherfucking where. Kanaya said she's never dirty her hands on a second-hand text-book. And the list just goes on and motherfucking on.''

Kurloz chuckled. He could relate to that. His group of friends might just be as equally fucked up.

'_Well then, it's up to me to motherfucking save your scrawny ass once again.'_

''Yeah, about that. Look man, I motherfucking apologize for putting you through that shit. And even though you were right about most of the things you said, that's some motherfucking personal ground I don't want you to enter. The shit with my father too, that's my motherfucking business.''

'_I guess I'm at fault here too. I won't be sticking my nose up in your business again.'_

''And if you ever leave me tied to a chair for hours again, I will use your blood to draw some nasty ass motherfucking pictures on everything you love.''

'_I'll haunt your ass.'_

''And I'll exorcist you the motherfuck out.''

'_Karma will get your ass.'_

''Getting my ass? Almost looks like you're up and thanking me for murdering you twice by a good fuck.''

'_Who said it'll be a good one?'_

''I heard Karma's the motherfucking number one of Craig's list if you want your shit fucked.''

'_You should fear for your number one prostitute title.'_

''Are you motherfucking kidding me? I can out whore the bitch anytime.''

_'Oh really?'_

''Really. I'm all kinds of confident in that.''

Kurloz grinned. He leaned in and pushed Gamzee down, while hovering over him he gave him a simple peck on the lips.

''What the actual fuck, Kurbro?''

Gamzee quickly got up again and scooted a bit further away from Kurloz. Kurloz almost snorted from the look of Gamzee's completely red face.

_'See, you can't out whore Karma. Not even close. #:o)'_

''Tch.''

This time it was Gamzee who pushed Kurloz down, and gave him a deeper kiss than the one he received.

''Can too.''

It'd be save to say that this was Kurloz' plan all along, now he just had to see if Gamzee could play along properly.

_'You do know that a simple kiss isn't even close to whoring oneself out?'_

''Well, I don't up and see any cash, do you?''

_'I thought it was free for your husband to be?'_

''Also don't see a ring, motherfucker.''

* * *

_So, that's where we're going to leave it. I know I said last chapter it'd be all up and interesting, but I don't know if it is. It IS longer, tho c;_

_ Oh, I also said that I could write more in my exam week, I wrote like.. 5 lines during that week. Sorry for lying xD I really did think I could pull it off, but well... school. I might suffer from brain damage if they try to forcefully ram even more shit into it. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it etc. etc. c:_

_Have a great night(depending on your timezone.. It's night here.)~_


	5. Totally original title

_Excuse me for all misspellings and such, but I literally wrote this at 5 or 6 AM after not getting any sleep. I'm also too lazy to up and re-read it. I might feel sorry for that later on. Fuck it, I already feel sorry. Excuse me while I go re-read. My sleep deprived self finds it acceptable. Enjoy~_

_Oh, before I forget; Thank you all for the lovely reviews, I'm finally getting used to them. xD I just wanted to publically answer to this one that really stands out to me, because it gives me a nice intro to something I want you readers to do._

_Drawing water of fire: Who the fuck cares if they're related or not. Ship those motherfuckers :D In any way possible. Seriously. xD For the record: I do not support incest. Unless it's between really hot, preferably male, fictional characters. _

_ Now, what I want you to do: go write a story about these two. Seriously. Write it, send a link to me and let me enjoy it c: Might even whore it out by putting it in an author's note here if I like it. I mean, that's how I started this story, because I thought there weren't enough out there. Anyway, that was all for now c:_

* * *

Kurloz heard his back cracking as he lifted himself up. His vision was blurry as he tried to locate his alarm clock. Fuck Tuesday and work. He lifted the sheets up a bit and literally rolled out of bed, his face landing flat on the floor causing a loud thump. He didn't get much sleep. He couldn't get Gamzee out of his head. The kiss, to be precise. Gamzee's lips on his, soft flesh he was eager to bite. Tongues locking, fighting. But of course, in his imagination, they went further than just kissing. He would slide his hands along Gamzee's sides, push him fully down, hover over him while massaging his bulge. Gamzee would blush, moan and eagerly buck his hips into the touch. Fuck. He was not going to give himself an erection.

With much effort, he pulled himself up from the floor and walked out of his room. He could already hear the clattering from the kitchen. Gamzee must've been up already. Kurloz wondered how he could get up before him. 8 AM is already too early for a motherfucker. His kitchen didn't exactly have a door, it has the frames, but the door itself was missing. He thanked Cronus for knocking it out while he was stoned and fighting an imaginary evil magician. Well, at least now he does. He could see Gamzee's slender frame, his muscles stretching as he reached for the top shelve. The colour of the substance told him it was peanut butter. He didn't even own peanut butter. Gamzee's must've bought it.

Kurloz walked in a stood behind Gamzee. He could see Gamzee tense up when he finally noticed and then turned his head a few degrees to catch Kurloz' eye.

''Morning Kurbro. Want some PB&J?''

Yes, he would very much like that. He didn't have his notepads around, so he settled for nodding.

Gamzee smiled and set another plate next to his own.

''Also up and made coffee.''

Kurloz lifted an eyebrow. Gamzee seemed… unusually happy. Sure, the kid was always up in his dreamland but it was different. He walked over to the junk drawer to get a pen and his notepads. Fuck. Only a few notes left.

'You should learn some motherfucking sign language. I ain't got the notes for all the talking you do.'

Gamzee's eyes went over it and he then formed a grin.

''Or you could get some new motherfucking notepads.''

'Nah.'

It was added to the note he had already used. He only had about 10 left and Gamzee was one hell of a talker. While Kurloz poured two coffees, Gamzee finished their sandwiches. You could say they were growing accustomed to each other, having lived in the same place for so long they learned how to not bump into each other with every step they made in the rather small kitchen. Kurloz thought it was a shame, tho. He never really minded the casual accidental touches. Like the one when Gamzee handed him his plate.

He was in a better mood now that he didn't have to go through the effort of making his own breakfast when he was to sleepy to read the labels properly. He'd probably just put a fish on carton and deal with it. Instead, he can now put down his properly made breakfast on the dining table and sit his motherfucking ass there.

''What time will you be home today?''

Weird. Gamzee usually never asked that. He'd just work, come home and play some games until Kurloz came home and made dinner.

'8 PM. Why? Throwing me a surprise party?'

''Nah, just up and having some friends over, but I could if you want me too.''

Kurloz rolled his eyes and hit Gamzee on the back of his head.

'Then it wouldn't be a surprise, motherfucker.'

''It would, because I might be pulling an innocent joke on you and you'd never expect me to actually up and motherfucking do it.''

'You have a point.'

Kurloz finished his sandwich, put the plate in the sink and went to put on his clothes. One of the best things in his line of work was that he could pick his own work clothes and nobody really minded that he showed up like a skeleton. Of course some of the more 'normal' customers thought he was weird, but they could just take their motherfucking butt hurt asses home and cry to their friends about how much their new piercing or tattoo was hurting in their hipster douchebag Facebook posts.

He brought his clothes along to the shower, laying them on a shelve and took out his piercings. This part of the day was a motherfucking drag, he didn't even want to think about the fact that he had to put them back in after the shower. He carefully placed them on top of his clothes and then continued on with his daily ritual.

He hadn't seen much of Gamzee the rest of the morning, until he was all dressed up and ready to go out. At least he thought he was. He had forgotten to make a list of groceries.

He knocked on Gamzee's door and proceeded to walk in without invitation. Really, the knock wasn't even necessary. They had already seen more than they wished to see of the other. At least Gamzee might have. Kurloz just wanted to see more.

'Anything you need from the shop?'

Gamzee thought for a moment and then smirked. Well, that wasn't good news.

''What about that ring, motherfucker?''

'If you'll accept a candy ring, just tell me which flavour you'd prefer.'

Gamzee rolled his eyes.

''You're no motherfucking fun. Here I am, in my boxers, making a sexual reference which could even be considered flirting and you talk about candy. ''

'Why yes, because only the sweetest form of rings would be acceptable for something as delicious as you.'

''In that case, get me some motherfucking apple flavoured rings, cheap ass motherfucker.''

(Side note: For those of you who do not know, in Ancient Greece, throwing an apple at a woman was a proposal of marriage.)

Kurloz grinned while nodding and picked up his first note, adding something.

'Anything you need from the shop? Seriously, tell me or get it yourself.'

''Nearly out of Faygo.''

With that, Kurloz left the room and went on his way to work. He mentally added Faygo to the grocery list.

The day had been bad. He'd forgotten the main rule when it comes to Gamzee's food. 'Don't eat it'. The seconds rule was 'Seriously. Just don't. You'll feel like dying'. Which wasn't exactly a rule as it was a continuation of the first rule.

He gagged as he opened the door. It smelled awful in here. Burned food defined most of the smell and the other part he couldn't figure out. Also, he heard multiple voices coming from the apartment. Gamzee said he would have friends over today, didn't he? He closed the door and kicked off his shoes. He just wanted to drop dead right there, a fast and painless death instead of having to endure the stomach ache. As he walked up to his bedroom, he could hear a moan. Multiple moans. He was never quite the eavesdropper and he also didn't care what people did in their bedrooms, but when shit goes down in his house with his motherfucking imaginary lover, he'll need to be all over that bitch. But… He shouldn't look like a jealous husband.

He wrote a note first. 'Thanks. Your awful motherfucking cooking skills are gonna get me diarrhea for the rest of my life.' Then he casually walked into Gamzee's room, pretending to not know what the fuck was going on. Although he knew, it still kind of shocked him, causing him to actually unintentionally drop his note.

Gamzee just hovering over a kid he remembered as Tavros. Rufioh's little bro, the kid who helped Gamzee move in and the kid who Kurloz personally pierced. Tavros was fully stripped down, blushing and stuttering an apology. Gamzee didn't even move a motherfucking limp. He had his leg seated between Tavros', rubbing up against the kid's boner. His face near Tavros' neck, implying he was sucking on the flesh and even though the sheets kind of covered it, he could tell he had his fingers up inside the kid. And he just sat there with a smug grin on his face. Almost as if he was daring Kurloz to do something about it. Almost as if he was saying. 'Push me off and claim all of me right before his eyes. I dare you, motherfucker'. But of course, that was probably Kurloz' imagination running wild again.

Instead of doing that, he turned around and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. All that he wanted to say was forgotten. Fuck. While he was off to work and buying the kid's motherfucking Faygo, Gamzee was having the time of his life with some other guy. After giving him motherfucking food poisoning, for the motherfucking second time, Gamzee was on his way to bang some guy's brains out. In his house. How many times has he done that already?

Kurloz could finally tell what the other vague scent was. Sweat. Sweat from.. pleasurable activities. Must've up and done it in the common room too. 'Bastard'. It nearly slipped Kurloz' tongue. He had to withhold himself from going back in there, jumping on top of Tavros and ripping out the piercing he himself had set and then violently entering Gamzee right before his eyes. He won't have anything that Kurloz deems as his own. Not a piercing and most definitely not Gamzee.

He walked over to the couch and let himself drop. He sounded ridiculous. He sounded like the jealous husband he didn't want to be just now and doesn't ever want to become. He nearly burst out laughing. He should have picked up on the signs this morning. Why Gamzee was so happy, why he wanted to know when Kurloz would come home. Because he knew he was getting laid.

He heard a door opening and not much later Tavros passing by. When the kid noticed him he stopped in his tracks. ''I-I'm really sorry.''

Kurloz shaked his head, if he logically thought about it, Tavros wasn't even at fault. But he sure seemed to think so seeing as he basically ran out.

Not that much later Gamzee joined Kurloz on the couch. He turned towards him, locking their eyes.

''Surprise.''

Yeah, Gamzee. Real nice. Real motherfucking nice.

* * *

_Okay… I might just want to slightly torture you guys with implied sexual activities that does not happen between the main pairing . But hey, we're all Homestuck fans, we can deal with this shit. Ain't like I'm going on a fictional killing spree. C: (Or rather, ain't like I'm pulling a Hussie.) Btw, if you didn't even see this coming after the PB&J reference you must not be a very good detective. Always watch the signs, mate. _

_Oh, and sorry for making Gamzee look like a bit of a douche._

_What the actual fuck. Fanfiction thinks I should change my 'must've' to Gustave. Who the fuck is Gustave and what is his problem with my use of words. xD_


	6. Fight me

Aloha

Sorry for leaving you guise hanging, but I'm back! *dramatic cheering coming from God knows where*

I had some technical difficulties, such as the fact that my laptop COMPLETELY died on me. I know, it's terrifying how they can suddenly do that.

Getting all my documents back from the broken laptop was a bitch too. But, now I'm all settled in with a new one and I can write peacefully again. Yay c:

Enjoy~

_I need a disclaimer or something, don't I? Welp, here goes: I do not own Homestuck, that beautiful bastard Andrew Hussie does._

* * *

Looking straight into Gamzee's eyes, he could see the faint glistering. Gamzee's eyes were set right on his own and they never left them. He didn't even blink. He wanted something, Kurloz was sure. What he wanted was unclear, but it seemed daring. It was as if he wanted to play a game that he was certain of he would win. Kurloz looked away, Gamzee was just creeping him the motherfuck out. Seizing Kurloz up like a little lost lamb that was walking straight into the wolf's cave. He could feel the smirk on Gamzee's face grow bigger. What the motherfuck was he trying to get out of this?

Kurloz looked down at the notepad in his hand. Just a few left, another advantage for Gamzee. However, Kurloz was not one to back out of a challenge. And that was probably exactly what Gamzee was giving him.

'How many times?'

He felt bad after writing the note, he sounded like that jealous husband he didn't want to be. But, this was still hís house and nobody was going to sleep around in there.

''How many times what?''

Inside his mind, Kurloz could picture the jealous husband inside him breaking off the chains that kept him locked in there. Violently ripping them right out of the wall.

'How many times have you brought people over to sleep with them?'

Smashing his way through Kurloz' being, cracking his skull open and sliding out of it like the blood that was making his way down his face.

''This is the first time I've up and done that since I moved in. Why would you motherfucking care?''

Spotting it's victim, readying the attack.

'Because it's my motherfucking house too and I don't want to walk in on motherfuckers doing the dirty.'

Closing in.

''That's what you get for up and coming home way too fucking early and suddenly intruding a motherfucker's personal space.''

Losing his goddamn mind. Kurloz set an end to his imagination.

Gamzee was right, tho. He came home early, he insisted on walking in on them instead of whatever he could've done. He could've just walked out again. Kurloz stared down in shame. Noticing the one note left in his hand, he wondered how he should respond. Is there even any proper way to do so? He could- No. No way he was going to apologize. It wouldn't be settled like that, Gamzee would do it again and he didn't want that. Even if it was acting purely out of a selfish, egoistic one sided love or not. Even if he sounded like a jealous husband.

Kurloz laughed at himself. He was nowhere close to that. He was the dude stalking the girl that smiled at him once.

While Kurloz was trying to get his hands to move, forcing the pen to scribble words down without succes, Gamzee moved in on him. Getting closer and chuckling. ''But it pisses you off, doesn't it?'' Kurloz looked up again, eyes wide. What did he just motherfucking say? Gamzee got up and stood in front on Kurloz. ''I can see it on your motherfucking face. It pisses you off in all kinds of wicked ways.''

Was this the challenge? See who could piss the other off? Even if Kurloz had a one-sided love, that was a stupid motherfucking game no matter how you look at it. To Kurloz, nothing seemed like his own fault anymore. Gamzee could've just told him, a guy getting off isn't the weirdest thing in the world. He could've hanged something on the door-knob to give Kurloz a sign. That shit was definitely in the bro-code.

'I am so motherfucking done with you.' Kurloz went through the paper at some points but it was still readable. He nearly shoved it in Gamzee's face and crumbled the note in his hand. He wanted to wak straight out of the door, he'd sleep at one of his friends' houses and Gamzee could pack his shit and leave. Gamzee wouldn't have any of it. He grabbed Kurloz by his shoulder and roughly pulled him back.

''Oh no we motherfucking don't. You might be done, but I've still got all kinds of motherfucking words to spill.'' Kurloz glared at him, turning around again. He pressed the end of his pen and came to the realisation he just crumbled up his last note and it was lying somewhere on the floor.

''Looks like you don't have any notes left. Whatever could you motherfucking do now?'' Gamzee riddled, spinning his finger in the air and pursing his lips. He gave off the sight that he was in deep thought. Then he turned his gaze back to Kurloz, faking excitement.

''I motherfucking figured it out! All you have to do is use the motherfucking vocal cords I know you have!'' Something seemed to snap at that point. Truth be told, it scared Kurloz.

''How about you try screaming? Venting? Anything! Just make a motherfucking sound!''

The eyes of a true maniac, pointed straight at Kurloz. A teeth-baring smile that was ready to crack any moment now. Kurloz finally got it, this was the motherfucking game. Only it wasn't a game. It was something carefully planned. Gamzee was aching to get something he knew he couldn't have and it drove him crazy, maybe even insane. But this wasn't something Kurloz would willingly participate in.

Still holding his pen in one hand, he grabbed Gamzee's arm with the other. The pen dug into Gamzee's flesh, cracking it and some point, mixing the ink with blood. Kurloz kept on writing nevertheless. A dark blue text was clear on the red, irritated skin now. ''GET THE MOTHERFUCKING GROCERIES''

By the time Gamzee was finished reading the text, Kurloz was already at the door, slamming it behind him.

* * *

Kurloz wound up at Mituna's house. The ever so theater-styled Captor residence. They had actually gotten a few people at the door asking which movies were playing and those people had been totally serious. Kurloz smiled softly. He really didn't know where to go or who to go to except for Mituna. He rang the door bell and soon enough the younger Captor opened it. He gave Kurloz a fast 'come in' gesture and went back up the stairs. Probably doing some important business on his computer again.

This house wasn't strange to Kurloz at all, he had spent so many days here he even knew exactly what was on the attic. Of course, this was thanks to Mituna who likes to play 'catch the attic monster'. He came across the most familiar room: Mituna's. He knocked in the beat they came up with together and he could hear Mituna falling off his bed, running to the door, falling again and finally opening the door with that big goofy smile on his face. One of Kurloz' favorite sights. He immediatly pulled the man into a big hug, lifting him off the ground for a bit. ''Kurloth!'' He set the man down again a ruffled his hair. It was a mess as always and his clothes were slightly out of place, probably thanks to the falling. Mituna happily pulled Kurloz along to his bed. Kurloz sat down neatly, while Mituna just jumped into the air and plopped down beside him on his knees. It seemed as if Mituna was inspecting him, which he probably was. ''Whath wrong?'' Kurloz laughed and let himself fall back. All these years, before and after the accident, he didn't even have to speak for Mituna to be able to read him like a first-grader's picture book. He softly shook his head and pulled Mituna down with him. Mituna curled up against Kurloz. This was exactly what he needed right now. Just silently laying down with his best friend and having a telepathic conversation with him. It was weird, but somehow they were able to do that. All they had to do was look at the other and the message was received.

It went on for a while like that until they heard Sollux flying down the stairs again. Loud cursing could be heard, tables knocked over, cabins and drawers slammed close after searching them. Eventually, he came to Mituna's room, not even bothering to knock. ''Where'th my extrath pack?'' Kurloz looked up in confusion. The younger Captors made it seem like a matter of life and death... Which it actually was, virtual life and death. Mituna raised his shoulders and shook his head. Sollux raced out of the room again leaving the two confused. ''Kurloth! Leth play detective!'' Kurloz grinned. Sounds like fun.

Being on the 'missing game' case with Mituna didn't take very long. With his mother-like skills Kurloz found the disc in no time. Solluz gave a quick thanks and raced up the stairs again. Kurloz was a bit curious and decided to go after him. Mituna walked along, bouncing from one step to the other. They reached the room, it was only lit by the light of Sollux' several computer screens. On closer inspection, the younger Captor was indeed dying. Actually, he was being brutally murdered. terminallyCapricious, was the players name.

Even here he is trying to mess shit up? Oh fuck no. He signed Sollux to move the motherfuck over and took control. Of course Sollux wasn't happy with it, but Kurloz couldn't care less. Gamzee was going down. Kurloz stayed true to his words and the odds were turning. Having an advantage, his eyes caught the conversation that was going on between the teams.

caligulasAquarium: wwhatevver

caligulasAquarium: im too mature for this anyway

gallowsCalibrator: H3H3H3, N1C3 K1LL TC

twinArmageddons: what the actual fuck TC?

twinArmageddons: iim in your team you know

terminallyCapricious: THAT SHIT IS MOTHERFUCKING IRRELEVANT TONIGHT.

carcinoGeneticist: FOR THE LOVE OF... GAMZEE. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING.

twinArmageddons: he2 kiilliing everyone

carcinoGeneticist: I CAN SEE THAT PERFECTLY WELL.

Because of the distracting conversation, Gamzee had an oppurtunity to get a good hit on Kurloz or well, Sollux. This was mostly noticed by Kurloz because of the little squeal of horror the younger Captor let out. Without looking at him, Kurloz gave a hand gesture to show he has got it under control. And he did. He used the battlefield to his adventage. This also gave him a good view of red and blue team members' bodies lying around, all brutally killed. They wouldn't revise until the game was over and one team had won. Kurloz smirked. Gamzee's own virtual death was only a matter of minutes. Mituna cheered for him when he won and Sollux gave him a simple nod of appreciation. Kurloz dusted the non-existant dust off his hands as if to say 'that was easy' and stood up.

That would show the motherfucker.

* * *

_So yeah. Dassit for now. This chapter was pretty... stiff.. serious maybe. Argh, proper words, why are thy not coming to me? Whatever. _

_I will now apologize for it taking so long, again. But, I'll probably be able to have chapters flowing out of my fingertips now. Also, the mood's gonna be lightened a bit. I'm not a big fan of Kurloz and Gamzee fighting, you see. But, that shit can built up some good pressure that I can maybe use later on. I am rambling again. Before I know it I'm going to have the next chapter up in this lil author's note box and it wouldn't be a suprise any more. We wouldn't like that, would we? Don't you dare even think 'yes we would'. Because I wouldn't and das final. c:_

_Welps, have a great day~_


	7. I don't have a title Sorry

_I'm never making promises about fast updates again since I'm a wreck and I'm not going to keep them. Here, have a chapter to distract you while I run._

_Disclaimer; I don't own Homestuck nor any of it's characters, obviously. If I did, I'd be making a videogame of it now instead of sucky fanfiction. c;_

* * *

Frankly, Kurloz didn't want to open the door. He's been rattling the keys and unclipping them, like the nervous fucking train-wreck he might or might not have been ever since he walked out of the Captor residence. He knew Gamzee was still there, he'd been up all night fighting Sollux in their game. Actually, not just Sollux, he was tearing down motherfucker left and right. Eventually everyone left because of it, only Sollux remained. The little fucker never backed down from an in-game challenge, apparently. This, however, did have a positive side to it. Maybe Gamzee was so beat that he was fast asleep. Kurloz unclipped the house key. Or maybe he was so fueled with anger that is was enough to keep him up even now. He clipped the key back again.

Kurloz had calmed down, at least that's what he's telling himself, but there was a nagging thought in his mind that he would loose his shit again if he saw Gamzee. And maybe that thought was just spot-on. He would maybe do a motherfucking pirouette off the motherfucking handle and fall right into a new found rage. He shook his head. What the hell was he even doing? With Kurloz being a chill motherfucker and all, you can pull a whole bunch of shit on him, but chasing him out of his own home was not even considerable. With this thought in mind, he unlocked the door. However, as soon as the door creaked the thoughts came back. He was now actually trying to sneak in with the manner of a cheating husband coming home from his affair at 4 am. He really had to stop the husband fantasies. He silently slipped his shoes off and continued his careful steps on his socks. Since when was everything so motherfucking obnoxiously loud? The passageway from the hall to the living room creaked, causing Kurloz to stop dead in his tracks when it had only opened enough to give him clear view of the couch. Sure enough, Gamzee was sitting there. Lucky for Kurloz, he wasn't awake.

With this turn of events, Kurloz recollected his courage and opened the door to it's full extend. The tv was still turned on. It displayed the menu of the game he'd been playing all night. The console was dropped on the ground a few centimeters away from Gamzee's hand. Gamzee himself was lying in a sleeping position that looked very uncomfortable to Kurloz. He was surrounded in little bits of food and faygo bottles that would surely leave their marks on his body and sting like bitch-bites. Serves the motherfucker right. Also, he apparently crashed the table into the kitchen. Jegus fucking christ. No, it's just a motherfucking table. It's replaceable.

Still, they had shit to discuss if they wanted to remain living under the same roof. Kurloz wasn't about to go easy on him, tho. He got out a bucket, to be more specific: he got out the puke-bucket that only has bad, bad memories to it, and went to the bathroom. He really shouldn't be doing this, but he just really feels like doing it. He walked back and stood in front of Gamzee. Holding the bucket loosely, he grinned and tried to send the other a telepathic message. 'Having a good dream, motherfucker?'. Gamzee's eyes shot open. Oh fuck, he didn't voice that, did he? Out of shock, Kurloz dropped the bucket. It's full content was now not only on it's prior victim, but also on Kurloz. What the fuck did he just suddenly open his eyes for?

''So that was you.'' Gamzee grunted. He was still asleep and probably unaware that he was dripping cold water all over the place. ''I could feel your negative energie creepin' up my spine like a motherfucking hernia.'' Kurloz rolled his eyes. He got out his phone, since he had no better way of communicating, and typed in a text. 'So now I'm a disease? Lovely.' Gamzee glared at him.

Punk. Kurloz deleted the message and rewrote it. 'We need to talk about the shit you pulled on me last night.' Gamzee furrowed his brows while he read it. ''About that, can't we just up and forget the whole motherfucking thing ever happened?'' Gamzee could already tell by Kurloz' definite 'oh fuck no' face that it was not gonna happen. ''Fine.'' he grunted.

Gamzee sat up straight and looked at Kurloz. He still wasn't speaking. Kurloz crossed his arms and looked him straight in the eyes, frowning his eyebrows, as a sign for him to start. Gamzee, in return, looked down, rufled his hair and sighed. ''So I might or not might have flipped out on you.'' Oh, he definitely has. ''Look, I'm motherfucking sorry for what I did, planning this whole shitwreck. I'm sorry I cooked something poisonous and got Tavbro over here. I can't believe I even did that to that adorable little motherfucker.'' Gamzee brushed his hand on his cheek, still refusing to look up. ''And when you came in, man, I just fucking- I had this rush of emotional bullshit raging through me like a motherfucking ice-cream addict trying to catch the ice-cream man. Tav ran out, which only made it so motherfucking worse. And you, you motherfucker.'' Gamzee finally looked up, great big puppy dog eyes staring right at you. ''You were wearing that motherfucking stoic face as if it was just another regular day with nothing interesting going on.'' He chuckeled once. ''Started writing those wicked words as if it were nothing. You didn't give me anything. Nothing. You don't even motherfucking understand. I need you to care, I need you to motherfucking loose your shit for once! Get mad, scream, show something at least.'' Kurloz simply stared down at him, not giving him any of what he pleaded for. ''Jegus fucking christ.'' Kurloz felt the need to smack Gamzee's head for being an idiot. He'd lost his shit long ago and being a stoic motherfucker was the exact way he dealt with it.

He still needed something cleared up. 'Did he know?' Gamzee frowned and looked up at Kurloz, confusion so clear on his face Navi could've seen it coming from a thousand miles away. 'The Nitram kid.' Gamzee laid back a bit. ''Tavros? Oh no he-'' Gamzee got cut off by Kurloz punching him right in the nose, causing him to drop from the couch and grunt in pain. Kurloz could see the blood spilling from his nose, but he cared little, about as little as he cared for the bitching Gamzee gave him about punching a motherfucker out of nowhere. He dropped down too, placing himself on Gamzee's stomach, smacking one fist down after the other. This was the new found rage. How motherfucking dare he use Tavros and look so motherfucking relaxed about it, showing it off in his posture. 'Yeah, I fucked the kid, so what?' Shit. Was he mixing personal feelings with the actual situation? He didn't know nor did he care for it. Gamzee's blood was coating his fists and it felt good. Besides, wasn't this whole thing to piss him off? Well, he's pissed off now. He won't give Gamzee the pleasure of screaming or showing any emotion while doing it. Kurloz just sat there, digging one fist after the other into Gamzee, completely stoic and he could see it terrified the other. Another punch and he could hear something crack, another punch and he could barely see any skin left that wasn't ridden in blood. Gamzee motherfucking deserved it. Not only was he seriously messing Kurloz up, he was apparently also messing with the Nitram kid. And for what? What could he possibly motherfucking want out of it? Oh yeah. To get Kurloz to break his oath and speak. Kurloz laughed. No. Not motherfucking going to happen. After a while, his punches slowed down while he regained his sanity. Less forceful and slower, until he completely stopped. He just sat there, panting and staring down. Gamzee was a mess, yet he was laughing. ''Feel better?'' Kurloz swallowed and nodded. A lot better. Really good, actually. So motherfucking good. He bent down and placed his lips on Gamzee's bloody ones. There wasn't a single shock moment to be found, which might actually be because he was loosing a lot of blood and wasn't really mentally here at the moment, but it was good enough for now. All that mattered was that it was all good. Kurloz bit Gamzee's lip, but Gamzee wouldn't budge. It finally hit Kurloz that, oh motherfucking Cod, Gamzee might not even be alive. He heard a crack, right? He speered up and looked down in shock, carefully poking Gamzee's cheek. Gamzee opened his eyes. ''That's what I'm talking about.'' Kurloz regained the smile he had earlier and bent back down, but Gamzee flipped them over, obviously seeking control. He could have it. The blood dripping down didn't matter because Gamzee was also going down. Kurloz closed his eyes in anticipation and gave a fiery response when he got what he was waiting for. He clutched Gamzee's shirt and gave him entrance. Gamzee guided Kurloz' tongue in every which direction while tracing his hand along the side of Kurloz' body and using the other one to hold himself up. Gamzee closed the kiss for air, sucking Kurloz's lower lip once and then looking down at Kurloz and grinning. Kurloz returned it and lightly pushed Gamzee off.

Kurloz hosed himself up, onto the couch. Kurloz watched the television screen, it was lacking shows to watch but was the most interesting little piece of technology ever made in this moment. Out of the corned of his eye, Kurloz could see Gamzee rubbing the blood of his face with a smile. Kurloz bent down a bit to get his phone back. He'd dropped it in the heat of the moment without even noticing. 'We should get you to the hospital.' Gamzee rolled on is back and lazily read the message. ''Yeah.''

* * *

_Sorry?_


End file.
